I was three weeks into my job as a reporter at the Knoxville Journal Express when the editor made a mistake that turned the whole town against him. He was fired within days. The acting editor worked at another paper half an hour away, so somebody local had to become the lead news person in the meantime.
That somebody was me.
I still had to cover the news. City council, community events, things to celebrate, all of it, same as before. But now I also had to lay out several pages of the paper before it went to print, on a Mac I did not know how to operate, using a program called QuarkXPress that I had never even heard of.
I remember sitting down at that computer the first morning, looking at the screen, and wondering how in the world I was supposed to do any of it. I was not panicked exactly. I was fully aware that I was in over my head, with no one coming to rescue me.
So, I figured it out, page by page, deadline by deadline, learning as I went how to do the tasks of an assistant editor while still doing the reporter job I had been hired to do.
That was the first time it happened. It would not be the last.
The belief that got me through that newsroom, that I could learn anything if I needed to, never left me. I finally gave it a better reason to show up.
Learning Anything the Moment Required
After the newspaper, it kept happening.
I moved into ad sales and went on to become an advertising executive at the Des Moines Register. While I had sold some ads for the local paper, the Register was a state-wide daily newspaper with multiple sections, and a vastly different animal. I didn't let that deter me. I was named employee of the month within my first year. A couple of years later, I became the executive assistant to the CEO of Knoxville Hospital & Clinics, where I had to stay on top of my own responsibilities, his priorities, and the work of the board. I was named employee of the month there too, within my first year.
I never finished college. What I had instead was the ability to step into something unfamiliar, pay attention, and learn quickly. Every time a job introduced me to something I did not know how to do, I found a way to become good at it.
I rarely knew how when I walked in. I trusted myself to figure it out.
Mistaking Pressure for Proof of Growth
Somewhere along the way, I began to believe that if I was not a little overwhelmed, I probably wasn't growing.
Being in over my head had worked for me before. I had learned quickly, risen to the occasion, and built a career by figuring out things on the fly. So, the pressure began to feel like part of the process. The busier and more stretched I was, the easier it was to believe I was doing something important.
That belief helped me accomplish a lot. It also kept me measuring my value by how much I could manage, solve, and carry.
When I moved to Florida, I did not set out to change any of that. I wanted a different life, but I brought the same drive with me.
What changed was that I finally had enough space to notice the difference between being driven and being constantly under pressure. I could take an hour for myself without feeling like I had to earn it first. I could leave something for tomorrow without believing I had failed today.
The instinct to stay on top of everything was still there, but it stopped being the only part of me making the decisions.
Giving the Drive a Better Reason
Starting this coaching work, I still feel in over my head plenty of times.
I am learning new platforms, building things I have never built, and figuring out technology that was never part of any job I had before. In some ways, it is not much different from sitting down at that newsroom computer all those years ago. I still trust myself to learn what I need to learn and find a way forward.
The determination never left me. What changed is what I am using it for.
This time, I am not learning because somebody handed me the keys and expected me to keep everything running. I am building something I chose. Something heart-centered that matters to me. The work can still stretch me, but the stretching feels different when it is connected to a life I want to create.
I am still ambitious. I still care deeply about doing things well. But I no longer want to use overwhelm as proof that I am growing.
The drive did not need to disappear. I needed to decide what was worthy of it.
Maybe you have spent years measuring your progress by how much pressure you could handle. Being busy, needed, and stretched thin became evidence that you were doing life right. But your drive wasn't the problem.
You are allowed to keep the part of you that wants to learn, grow, and create something meaningful. You can care deeply about doing good work without using exhaustion as proof that the work matters.
You do not have to earn the right to feel steady. You can keep the fire without living in the flames.
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Inner Compass Collective
If wanting more has ever felt like something you had to carry alone, this is for you. Inner Compass Collective is a private community being built for people who are done drifting and ready to move forward with intention, support, and a circle that genuinely cheers them on.
The doors aren’t open yet, but the waitlist is. No pressure, no pitch, simply your name on the list and a front-row seat for when we begin.
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